New Years is the time of reflections and resolutions. It's January 5th and although I'm almost a week late, I figure it's better now than never.
They say all you need in life is something to do, something to hope for, and someone to love. At the end of 2008, I believe I had all of it. I had a glimpse of hope when I made it to an in-person interview for the international nonprofit 'Doctors Without Borders'. I was working with a great group of people at my homeless database job. I felt genuinely loved by my girlfriend and she simply meant the world to me. Well, that was before 'shit happened', more aptly known to me as the year of 2009.
2009 reaffirmed that stability in any form is simply an illusion. I didn't get the logistics job with Doctors Without Borders, most of my coworkers left because of convoluted work politics, and my girlfriend and I had a really messed up breakup. I know things could have easily been worse, but I didn't cope well.
I tried to get back on my feet. I have such a great support network, I shouldn't have had any excuse not to recover, but for some reason I just couldn't. My mind kept wandering, I half assed everything, all except probably the drinking. My bar tabs would regularly reach the three digits per week. I became jaded with the idea of love and I don't remember the names of the last three girls I kissed. I'd meet some new and fun people, get numbers, but I ignored them since I knew I was an emotional train-wreck. Despite making more at my job, I stopped saving money to travel. I couldn't even study for the GREs; the idea of it just reaffirmed my own uncertainty of what I wanted to do with my life. I even applied for a temporary janitor position (in Antarctica) for a quarter of my salary, only to be wait listed. I found myself depressed.
My New Year started off at a local bar with a kiss to another random cute girl. After waking up, I thought I faintly remembered her name. A few days later, I finally decided to make a huge leap (for me at least) and call her. Luckily I got her voicemail so I was able to confirm the name. She called back later admitting to a recent breakup and still having issues with the ex. We won't be seeing each other, but I'm glad I made the attempt. I'm improving (albeit slightly) and I'm slowly writing again, which I find to be therapeutic.
Here's some of my New Years resolutions:
Try not to become a raging alcoholic
Climb a v5
Develop an iPhone application
Write a novel
Save money to travel ($1000 per month goal)
Travel somewhere out of the country
Don't buy shit I don't need
Continue to be genuine with myself and my friends
Meet more people, be more open minded
I want to get rid of anger as a feeling; I want to understand people and although I might not agree with everyone, I want to do a better job of getting in their shoes
Play my first game of rugby
Take a photography course
