My spider senses are tingling!

After moving into our new place on Sunday, Adrienne and I noticed that our apartment felt as cold as a cave! (Consider this a warning to all potential visitors! Our place is now dubbed "The Bunker")

Normally I would laugh and mock my girlfriend's inability to generate body heat while I would sleep warm and snuggly. This time I even felt cold so I decided that something had to be done immediately and that this was no joking matter.

I looked at the bunker's aging gas heater, wondering how to operate it. Where do I log in? Where's the power switch? Man, I wish I wasn't out sick laying on the ground drooling on myself when the landlord showed us the place.

With my numb fingers, I tried to ignite the fire with the small switches. We would try to turn the knob from an ignited pilot switch to the "ON" position, but with each attempt the fire would just die out. After numerous attempts, we finally understood how it worked. I just need to light the fire while pumping the gas! The heater rattled alive and we quickly rejoiced as our fingers regained sensation. We had conquered this ancient technology with our mighty brains of the future!!

Still, the heater was warming up too slowly for our impatient bodies so we pulled up our mattress next to the heater. We laid out blankets and I quickly fell asleep with only a small headache and sinuses, naively thinking that I'd be ready for work the next day.

I woke up worse. I called in sick. Adrienne had a sore throat, but left the Bunker early to take care of shopping and help clean up the remainder of our old apartment (she's so sweet!).

Throughout the day, I kept waking up feeling a bit worse. At 7 p.m., my body instinctively told me that I had to get away from the Bunker and get some much needed fresh air. I also secretly wanted some Kung Pao chicken. Even though I had been resting all day, it wasn't doing me much good. The more I slept, the more I felt.. tired.

When I stood up, my head become instantly dizzy and throbbed with pain. It was like I had a midget in my head kicking me every time I tried to get up. For the first time in a long while, I felt the surging sensation to throw up. I climbed the stairs leading to our apartment and was barely able to stop myself from puking all over my neighbor's plants. (I heard in some cultures, that's how you properly greet your new neighbors?)

A couple more blocks brought me to the local Henry's market. They didn't have any ibuprofen or Kung Pao Chicken), but my nausea was starting to disappear even without it. I started feeling remarkably better by the mere act of walking around and getting fresh air. After traveling a little less than a mile, I found a Ralph's that had some Advil.

Adrienne and I returned home pretty much at the same time. She had gone shopping at Bed Bath and Beyond, Home Depot, and Target. She bought everything from color complimenting bathroom rugs to a carbon monoxide detector. She went on about how this color would match with this color, but my headache still drowned out her voice.

I had joked on the first night that we would die from carbon monoxide poisoning during our first night in the bunker. Since it was an invisible and odorless gas that caused death, we wouldn't know that that we were even dying! Adrienne didn't sleep so well after that joke. She couldn't find the humor in it (just like most of my Peace Corps friends couldn't find the humor in a falling coconut related death)

As soon as I plugged in the carbon monoxide tester, 4 high pitched squeals went off. Ouch, it hurt my ear!!! Moments later, another 4 chirps went off in quick succession. I looked at the instructions. 4 quick chirps mean that there is a harmful amount of carbon monoxide. Oh shit. As quickly as we moved our mattresses towards the loving warmth of the Bunker's friendly heater, we just as quickly opened our windows and pulled our mattresses from the invisible cloud of death.

With the carbon monoxide releasing into the open environment, we hoped that our new (and fairly distant) neighbors wouldn't catch a wiff of death mixed into their dinners. Due to the large amount of foilage, we doubt it would travel far (according to my Non-existing...Limited... well read knowledge about how lethal gases would dissipate through the air into non lethal doses). Ok, now with perfect hindsight, maybe we should have warned them and called 911. (Though we figured it was ok since the alarm stopped crying at us) At least I didn't throw up in their plants.

I learned a couple of very important lessons after all of this. Sure, you should be really careful about old gas heaters. However, you should really be on the lookout for danger if you ever have a craving for Kung-pao chicken.