Idealist vs Realist

I was just about to leave the house when I heard a shout come from the kitchen.

"William! The ants are back. They're in the trail mix." I came rushing in to assess the damage.

The ants were all around the kitchen, but mostly in the drawer where we kept a hidden stash of well sealed food. I sighed and replied "Ok, I'm gonna spray again" as I reached for the bottle of RAID.

Adrienne whimpered and complained about using the spray. I sighed again, this time with a hint of frustration building; I knew it was coming. Something as small as killing a few ants got us into arguments because our ideologies naturally clashed. Adrienne was an 'idealist' and I was a 'realist'.

To make it worse, we had this discussion before. The first time the ants came, I said I was going to get rid of them by going to the nearest supermarket, buying a can of RAID, and then spraying to kill. She complained saying that there was a more natural way to get rid of the ants.

I agreed and gave her a week to figure something out. A couple of ideas were thrown around, but no attempts were made to remove the ants. It doesn't matter how well thought out plans are if there is no execution. A week later, I sprayed and the ants died.

This time around I immediately sprayed. I heard the complaint again; it's poisonous. (Of course it is, that's why the ants die!!!) I argued that the amount of toxins were too small and indirect to really affect us, but were deadly to the small ants. All we had to do was open the windows, stay away, eat out for the rest of the day, then clean up. I asked again to find a natural solution, although I believe I can safely bet my left nut that nothing will be done until the ants come again.

The arguments are from the idealist versus the realist perspective. Adrienne has called herself the idealist and me the realist. I can kinda see that. A shining example of one of the things that we have constantly butted our heads on are our career goals.

I think a job is exactly what it is, a job. When it comes down to it and you need money, you need to put your ego and sense of entitlement aside. You don't have to be paid a lot and you don't have to enjoy it (even if you have a college degree); it's a job. It's not what defines who you are unless that is all you do. Now it could certainly be the opposite; you could love your job and you could get paid a lot.

However, it's usually not the case when you immediately graduate out of college and have no real experience. When you're straight out of college, you usually get to pick one; high pay or enjoyable job. When you get enough experience, you could be lucky enough to pick two.

Adrienne's an idealist. She wants both. I ask her to apply for all the ones she's interested in, but to remember that most of the time, it's either gonna pay well OR be something you enjoy. My logic is that since she's had so much trouble getting a job, she should start applying to more than her dream jobs. When she hears this, she gets mad at me for putting her down. I'll spare the details.

I admit that I might be wrong (and I really wish I am). Currently I'm in a job that pays decently and that I enjoy enough to stay at least another year. I think I got extremely lucky though. Adrienne also has a job interview next week that (based on the job description) she'll love and that pays very well.

Whether I'm right or wrong about how to pursue a job or how to kill ants... I don't care anymore. I'm just tired of it. I hate the constant arguing, the constant bashing of ideologies, and I wish there were a quick fix spray... but that's not realistic. I'll find a way to work on it.

The disillusionment of self by the self as pointed out by another

Sometimes I like to think of myself as a patient guy. I like to think that I'm open minded and respectful of how others live. I like to think I'm not judgmental. I like to think that no matter how someone else lives, I can coexist peacefully with anyone. That was before I moved in with my girlfriend.

That's one of the many 'perks' about being in a relationship; your significant other will without a doubt bring you back to reality and remind you how close minded, disrespectful, and judgmental you are (especially if you're in an argument). Ok, maybe I'm being a little harsh; she's a lot nicer than it sounds here and to her credit, a lot of times I am all of the above. The main point though, is that being in a relationship has shown me sides of myself, both good and bad, that I never would have guessed were hiding in the deepest recesses of my personality.

One of these traits that I discovered is how much I can't stand certain actions or beliefs being superimposed into my life. I could spend the night typing out an epic list, but I'll keep it short and addressed towards my main concern - Money. Like any typical couple, we have our disagreements about our finances.

My philosophy on finances is simple; don't spend it if you don't have it. Sure I use my credit card during emergencies, but it should ONLY be reserved for emergencies. I've been raised to think that there's a certain disillusioned mentality out there that believe they can use their credit cards without needing to pay the consequences of interest and debt.

I'm on the other end of the spectrum and am exceptionally wary about using credit. To me, credit is this fake magic money that appears out of thin air. As a personal rule, anything that breaks the laws of physics and creates something out of nothing is beyond my limited understanding of this world. I try my best to stay clear of it. Credit will forever be etched in my mind as this evil plastic card that's ready to trade your financial peace of mind for something like the latest laptop, a new car, or a crazy night with lots of hookers and pounds of unadulterated cocaine. (Of course this isn't realistic, I doubt hookers and drug dealers accept major credit cards)

Ok, after reading that last paragraph, some may argue that I might be the disillusioned one. I admit that that statement is very plausible. It's true that I still have a hard time wrapping my head around the idea of credit, but the result is that my credit card debt usually comes out to $0 at the end of every month. I adapt to my environment and I learn to be happy with what I have. Money helps, but it won't certaintly determine whether you're ultimately happy or not.

When I see someone living 'beyond their means', I have a hard time accepting it. Sure if it's a stranger, I couldn't care less how they live... but when it's someone you love, it's extremely difficult to see them digging themselves a deeper financial grave. It's even more difficult when they're so closely entangled with you that you become involved.

I guess if I were more open minded and not so judgmental, I could adapt and coexist with anyone. Well, I learned that I'm not like that; I really can't coexist with just anyone. I am adamant and unwavering about a lot of things, and finances is one of them. I'm glad that I had the opportunity to learn this about myself.

The reality is that there's a line that has to be drawn, and I'm definitely sticking to mine; I believe in living simply and within my means, even if it means picking either the hookers or the cocaine, but not both.

Tired...

I have the urge to move and do something different. Travel the world by scooter? Volunteer for Doctors Without Borders as a logistician? Move to South America and brush up on my Spanish?

I'm getting tired of trying to make a difference by just sitting in front of a computer compiling reports. Maybe it's just a phase. Maybe...